Thoughts

October 7, 2003

This is one of the first blogs I ever wrote back before blogs were the wave of information age.

 

How is it that when things should be so simple that complexity seems to overwhelm you. In life there are few certainties that we hold onto. We will die, we will wish for love, we will have pain at multiple times and in multiple ways, we will gain and we will lose.

 

We hold on to these certainties as though that is all that we can live for. The world has become absorbed with a thought that is beyond them. That life has to be made to some grandiose level. That we have to have the security and affirmation of others acceptance.

 

Would it be so bad to have a charitable society? One that is not so absorbed with the material things in life, but one that thrives on the happiness of self and others. I have learned that with all the things that I can acquire that the only time that I feel a complete gratification for myself is by bringing joy to others. I have tried to stop others and myself from this way of life but now as I write these words realize that a truly civilized society can only exist if we all live and love in harmony and with unselfishness.

 

I have known many and still know many that will agree with these thoughts and will only revert back to a life of material possessions and seek the acceptance of those around them. How is it that we can live in a world that the level of respect and approval is weighed as much if not more on what we have rather than who we are?

 

I search every day for the answers to what puzzles life is throwing my way. I look every day in the mirror and wonder if what I am doing is what I am supposed to be doing. Or is it what I am trying to do that I should be doing. Why is it that life is so complicated that you have to have a job that most are unhappy with, but if you try and reach for your actual dreams and desires that it is mostly looked upon in a negative manner.

 

If we are to revel in and suffer the certainties of life shouldn’t we do it while being truly happy? Why is it such a hard concept to grasp that loving and giving are good things. Even if those you love don’t return the sentiment, you have touched their lives in a way that will one day help them. And maybe, just maybe there will come a time when that favor will be returned by them loving someone else so unselfishly that no matter what happens they will smile because they have given something of themselves without wanting anything in return.

 

We look at the world everyday through confused eyes, we wonder how we got to where we are and rather than finding a way to clear the confusion, we stand in stagnant water and allow ourselves to watch the world pass us by rather than stepping forward and reaching for our dreams.

 

It is not an easy thing to believe in yourself so much that you will strive for the greatness that you can bring yourself. It’s my belief that this is the reason for trying to stop others from living their dreams. We as a society don’t like the fact that someone else may succeed at something that we have always wanted but never had the fortitude to strive for. So therefore it is easier to disapprove and discourage them from that.

 

I cannot sit here in judgment of others without first reflecting upon myself and knowing that even as I write these words I too will act against them at times. That is one of the glories that life has afforded us, to be able to make mistakes and then to have the chance to rectify them.

 

As I look at the crossroads that I am at, I try and find myself. My true self. The me that will make me as happy as I can ever be. I realize that with this journey that I have to bear the crosses of those that I have hurt, or done wrong to. But I also have to release the hate, torment, anger, and pain for the things that I have done and for the things that have been done to me.

 

There are too many times that we will move through life grudgingly as we reflect upon what we have done and what has been done to us. It may have hurt greatly but we have to move on beyond that. The things that we have done can be overcome as well. There are many of us that will not forgive ourselves for those things that we did and that were done.

 

We live life one memory at a time, we accost ourselves with agony and mask it with a smile. How great it would be if that smile were true. How joyous it would feel if the burdens we place upon ourselves were able to be lifted because we did a simple thing and forgave.

 

To embrace life is to live life. It is something that we seldom do and something that we are even less seldom encouraged to do. How should we live? Should we be miserable inside, and feign happiness on the outside? Or can we actually be happy. Would it not be simpler to let go of the baggage that we carry with us and be happy?

 

Though I sit here and look around and see masses of people walking through life without a thought of being happy. We stare at the sidewalk with our eyes down instead of saying Good Morning, Good Day, or Good Evening. It amazes me still that no matter how often I do this that I see a glow on a face. A simple thing, a simple matter of telling someone that you hope they have a great day. Those simple words touch people because we so seldom hear them. We may think them but how often do we honestly say them.

 

I have a belief that many find strange and often naïve. I believe that people for the most part are inherently good. It took me a while to come to this realization, as there have been things done to me and to those that I love that would prove otherwise. But it wasn’t until I looked and realized that I have been touched by many more good people than bad. It is just that the bad weighs on our minds more heavily than those things that are good.

 

Many take life for granted and many let it pass them by. I hope with everything in me that one day we will all take the time to realize that we have been handed a gift that we have been given something so freely and unselfishly that we need to celebrate it every second of everyday. This gift is life.

 

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And it's just not nice, so don't do it. Be nice, it feels better, I promise.