He's Already Gone
This was written at a time where I was at a serious crossroads in my life with myself and my faith. I'm lucky enough to have found the truth in my faith but this shows the solitude, pain and selfishness that I had during that time and the blame that I laid at the feet of our Father.
It seems he’s already left.
The days are desolate where once there was life.
The sun is cold where once heat was drawn forth.
With the places that I’ve been,
things that I have seen,
sins that I have committed,
I can’t see how he hasn’t left.
I waited once in the rain
looking for the light.
Seeing if I could find the footsteps I’d read and heard so much about
but I couldn’t even see mine.
My shadow doesn’t trail or lead,
but surrounds me in a darkness I can’t unveil.
I try to hide in the shadow
thinking that it can conceal my pain,
but even in my darkness I’m shown
He’s already gone.
They say he shows in your times of need
or maybe he only gives you things you can handle.
I’ve seen and even been what I would have called a miracle.
But now as I try and do the things that I think best
I’m left with a feeling of isolation I haven’t felt before.
I reach in every direction with hands, heart and soul only to find,
He’s already gone.
Maybe I’m wrong, I just don’t really know.
I try to live life in certainty while still clinging to faith
but the ledge comes closer as I try to move away.
With every step I try to take it becomes harder to restrain.
So I look for the light
I look for a star.
I search for reason and a meaning,
I pull at a resisting love with my heart wrenching inside and try to find him.
But each time I look I am blind,
when I try to listen I am deaf,
if I try to scream I am mute.
So with every sightless look I see,
with every silent noise I hear,
with every muted scream I scream,
He’s already gone.