I wrote this blog after having spoken with a few people that needed to vent and also wanted to get my view on issues that they were having.
Okay so I usually write things if I get asked questions or have someone seeking advice on the same matter when it hits three people asking in a short period of time.
While I may not be as eloquent in this description as I have been told I normally am I had a very intense thing happen about an hour ago that I may write about at another time but I probably won't either because it would mean me disparaging some of the local law enforcement and I try not to let myself venture into the negative context of things.
Anyhow for the thing that has come in a series of three today. I have gotten calls, twice this morning and once about 15 minutes ago from people I know who are at a crossroads in their life, relationship or a combination of the two. There are also other factors that are probably involved in these but they either didn't come out or were something that was established as not being relevant to what we were discussing.
I've heard quite a bit lately about people being angry with God. They are angry with them for several reasons. The holidays are naturally a difficult time and if one is in a difficult place or alone then they tend to lean towards depression or anger and they sometimes say that they are angry with God.
It turns the same way if there is a relationship turning to a bad area, rather than taking the anger out on the other in the relationship they focus their anger at God.
As I'm not that big of a talker and much more verbose in my writing I decided that I would put my thoughts and such here even though I did try to convey these same things in the conversations that I had with the aforementioned people previously.
After talking things through they each asked me why were they mad at God. We all, I believe have times where we get angry with God, I know I have. It is likened to getting angry with your loved ones when you really have no reason to.
We get angry at God because we know that he will be there regardless. When we get angry at our true friends, and close family for unknown reasons it is the same. We can take things out on people that we know will be there with the smoke clears When love is unconditional a thing such as anger will pass in the relationship. It is the same with God.
We will often lash out at God because we are under the thought that if something bad happened then He should have stopped it. We lash out at our parents when we are children and get hurt and also as adults for the same reason. Why didn't they see it coming and make it stop.
We have all been given the choice to make the decisions to get where we are. Yes we may have reached these places with the influence or actions of others but ultimately our present situation, the Now is where we have decided to be. I have received a lot of criticism of my belief in our own choices, thoughts and beliefs determining our present situation and that my belief that living in the Now is what is most important. That is a subject that I could and have written hundreds of pages on and I have written a couple of blogs on that matter as well. But this is not the time for me to launch into yet another diatribe about it.
Back to what I was saying, we can get mad at our parents for our first pet dying or our first heartbreak just as we can get mad at God for any number of situations that come along in our lives now. And it's okay to do this.
Anger is a healthy emotion as long as you don't let it consume you, another thing I learned the hard way. We can get angry at God anytime we want and He will never quit loving us. He will never quit being there for us.
So why did these things happen and why didn't he stop them so that we wouldn't have to go through the pain, whatever the cause, that we are going through.
I personally believe that it is so we can take that lesson and come to a better place afterwards. I have personally been angry with God many times for many different reasons and probably will get there again one day. But as I look back, even as painful as the situations were and some still are I know that I have been able to turn those things into a good thing now. It allows me to do what I do.
So we will always lash out at those we feel safest with because we know that in the end, when we go back to them they will be waiting with open arms. Unconditional love is something that will never waver from you.
Now this spurred the question from those that called me today.
If unconditional love never wavers then why is my relationship falling apart. Isn't that unconditional love because the love I feel for them is unconditional.
Each of the people I spoke with had these situations going on. One was with someone whose life was seemingly moving in a different direction of their own, another's partner stated that they were just not happy anymore and another was being cheated on.
So their question boiled down to what makes love unconditional. Why is it that the love of their partners wavered when theirs hadn't? Why are they moving in a different direction, why are they no longer happy, why did they cheat.
The cheating question was the hardest for me to try to come up with anything for. I personally believe there is no excuse for cheating and that it will prove more about the person than you ever thought possible.
Unlike the two other situations cheating brings up the question of loving one's self unconditionally. I have been cheated on and when it happened I took it as a personal attack on myself. I took the wrong approach. If someone is cheating then they have issues that are usually not with the person they are cheating on. The only rare instances I have seen that spurred cheating from the other person is when the other cheated first and that made the other angry and they cheated in return. Is this the right thing to do? No it isn't. Life is too short for retribution of these types.
I explained that there are times when someone will stray and the relationship was able to be salvaged. These times were when the person who cheated admitted that they had issues of their own and sought out the help that was needed to solve their own problems.
Then there are the more usual types that I have been witness to and those are people who just cheat. These people also have issues of their own that they need to resolve but they have no desire to. It is this type that usually finds someone that gives them the unwavering love and have given them multiple chances to work things out only to be burned again. These types of people will unfortunately continue to try to return to the person they have burned again and again because they know that this is one person that does truly love them and while they want that love they don't love the person enough to be faithful or to seek the remedy to whatever it is that is in them to cause these actions.
This is when unconditional self love comes into play. You have to love yourself no matter what and when you are put into a situation like this one you have to love yourself enough to walk away. It will be painful it will cause misery and it will seem like it never ends but it does end, the pain does subside and the misery will go away. We must love ourselves, without that we can never truly love others as we want to be loved. But do we love ourselves enough to walk away from what we think is the relationship we are meant to be in.
We must love ourselves that much because if a relationship is bringing that much pain then it is not the relationship we should be in. There is another relationship that you will find that will bring you the joy that you deserve.
The other two, the partner moving in a different direction in life and the partner not being happy any longer were not as difficult to explain my thoughts on.
The friend whose partner's life was moving in a different direction had to answer a question that was difficult. If their life is moving in such a way that it causes this much worry and distress is this an area that you can support them in and be part of. If it is than you have to make sacrifices to support the ventures of the other.
If they are moving in a direction that you know you can not be a part of then do you love the person enough to let them go to live their lives?
People have varying thoughts on what the greatest example and testament of love is. But without a doubt one of the greatest testaments of love is self sacrifice. Are you willing to sacrifice what you see as your ideal relationship so the other person can become the person they believe they want to be? It's a hard question to answer.
The friend with the partner who was not happy any longer had the same thoughts. If you truly love them you want them to be happy and if they are not are you willing to find a means for them to be happy again and if not are you willing to let them go so that they can be happy.
Again is your love great enough for self sacrifice.
Now I am not saying in the last two instances that ending the relationship is the only answer, it isn't. I know that every relationship takes work, dedication, communication and many other things.
With the friend whose partner's life was moving in a different direction we talked for over an hour and he determined that her direction of life was something that he knew he would not be able to be a part of and that if that was what she truly wanted he would be willing to let her go so she could reach for her dreams. They have since talked it over and have split up. While it is very painful for him he knows that they will be friends and he will always wish her the best. The beauty of him is that he is already taking the attitude that while it will be a while before he is at a point where he is ready to date again he can take the best parts of the relationship that ended and have fond memories and when he does date again he will be able to do it knowing that he made the right choice for himself and for her.
The friend whose partner was not happy any longer. She is planning on talking to her boyfriend and try to open a channel of communication to see what it is that is making him unhappy now as him saying he is no longer happy would denote that he previously was. She wants to try and find a way to move their relationship in a direction that will bring happiness to them both. But she also knows that if he is at a point where he doesn't believe he can be happy while in a relationship with her then she is willing to let him go so he can find the happiness that he lost.
Each of these friends did the same thing while we were talking. And part of it is because I have the habit of being too honest at times and while it was what they were wanting it also pissed them off. So just as they got angry with God they got angry with me. They each swore at me and each hung up on me. But each of them called back and without a need to they each apologized and each said that they knew that they could act in the manner they did and come back and knew I would still be there for them. It was when they said this and I made the statement that they knew I would be there just like they got angry with God and knew He would be there.
It kind of came full circle on those to matters with them.
Now I am not a therapist a shrink or any other person who is qualified or certified to provide people with the means that therapists or shrinks are supposed to provide. I am only a friend.
It was the woman that I know who I talked to today that asked if I was going to write about this. She said I should and I then asked the other two if they would mind and each of them stated that they wanted me to as they have a hope that in their pain and times of hardship others may possibly be helped.
So here it is, I don't know if it will help anyone that reads this but we all have the hopes that it will.
So as always, I love you all and hope this finds you all well.
Keep your heads up and keep smiling as much as possible.